So You Walk Into a Bar

So You Walk Into a Bar — Ch 0.1

A hundred years before the world you know, four would-be legends ride south chasing the one hero who can stop the apocalypse — and never find him. What they find instead is the last town still standing for miles, a tavern that falls silent the moment they step inside, and a room full of smiling strangers who all agree on exactly one thing: the end is near. Some doors are easier to walk through than to walk back out of.

Chapter / Episode	0.1 — So You Walk Into a Bar
Arc	The Forgotten Hour (a flashback ~100 years before the campaign)
GM	Dave
Date / Duration	2024-01-25 · ~2h32m (gameplay from 00:13:05)
Party	Father ITYS (Jesse), Jock Bjorn (Chris), Lashara (Steve), Old Man Jenkins (Haylee)
Joins / Departs	The founder-cast — a one-time flashback roster; these are the world’s first heroes, not the Echoes party
Ends on	a mid-shot over The Pit — the necromancer dead but never the one in charge, and [[Gray Star

Synopsis

Across the land they are calling it the Zenpocalypse: entire town populations vanishing — no bodies, no fight, just intact ghost towns spreading like a stain that will one day swallow the whole continent. The single hero who could end it, the “super saiyan” wizard Gray, was captured six months ago. So four mid-level acolytes of Old Town — the doomsaying cleric Father TEIN (whose name, TEIN, spells out “The End Is Near”), the goliath-dwarf sailor-ranger Jock Bjorn, the brusque rock-gnome artificer Lashara, and Old Man Jenkins, last of the Malor line — are sent south through The Southern Wetlands. Not to win the war. Only to find Gray. Their search brings them to the one border town beside the Petroglyphs of Oovuan that has somehow not been wiped out, and to the biggest building in it: a tavern that goes quiet the instant they walk in.

Its regulars are monkish zealots in sackcloth, each bearing a mark of rotting flesh on the shoulder — they’ve been “touched,” they are being exalted, and it is, the smiling barkeep Arcus insists, only a sickness of truth. He peels off his gloves to show hands rotted down to raw sinew, and preaches the coming of the The Kouréas: a force that came through a year past, that keeps you strong while it quietly harvests your will, its whisper repeating in the walls like an echo chamber. A shackled dishwasher in the kitchen — a slave, mysteriously immune to the touch — bangs and curses whenever the heroes probe too far. The party splits to work the room: Lashara rigs a pyrotechnic light-show, Father ITYS winds up a doomsday sermon that (to everyone’s horror) genuinely starts converting the crowd, Jenkins tries to slip out the magically sealed doors, and Jock goes invisible into the back — where the floor drops away onto hundreds of stitched-together dead. The barkeep reveals himself the necromancer and drops a Circle of Death over his own tavern.

What follows is a brutal, ridiculous brawl. Father ITYS’s spectral Guardian of Faith — christened the “Lord of Pugs” — decapitates acolytes at a chokepoint; a greater zombie stitched from gorilla arms, a human torso, a wolf’s head and goat’s legs hauls itself out of the pit; a splash of undead goo eats one of Jock’s eyeballs and he calmly flips his old sailor’s eyepatch onto the newly-blind side. Old Man Jenkins lands a Disintegrate for a campaign-record 53 — and still somehow finishes the night with zero kills. Halfway through, Jock realizes the wounds are illusory, a fear-spell cast on entry — “my eye didn’t really fall out” — which is where a rattled Father ITYS first floats a phrase that will one day become a religion: maybe, after all this, “I told you so.” Lashara finally pins the necromancer to the wall with a crossbow bolt through the jaw and his body sloughs into a puddle of necrotic juice — but the undead keep coming, because he was never the one in charge. Jock pockets a hidden d20 with a different rune on every face — what the enemies came for — and an insight check turns up three trap-wired levers, a secret door, and The Pit: a mountain of thousands of stitched-together bodies beneath the tavern. And through all of it, the party’s whole reason for coming — Gray, the shackled “dishwasher” still cursing away in the kitchen — sits unreached, a thread that carries straight into 240208-ch0.2-old-town-throwdown. The session cuts mid-shot.

🎵 Song Recap (rhyming — drop into an AI song generator)

Scheme: AABB verses + chorus. Suggested vibe: a slow, ominous dirge-folk hymn that builds to a stomp.

(Verse 1) The towns all went quiet, not a body to find, Just an empty little supper and a soul left behind; They took away Gray, so they sent the four south, To a tavern full of truth with the rot in its mouth.

(Chorus) The end is near, says the man with no hands, Your parts belong to the bag, by the bargain’s demands — So light up the night and you preach till they brag, ‘cause the floor’s full of bodies and they all want the bag!

(Verse 2) A pug-riding angel at the door took its toll, Bjorn lost an eye but he never lost his soul; Jenkins hit fifty-three and still got no kill, And the barkeep was a puddle on the windowsill.

(Verse 3) But the dead kept on coming — he was never the head, There’s a die full of runes and a mountain of dead; Three levers, a door, and a pit going deep, And their hero’s still chained where the dirty dishes heap.

(Chorus)

(Outro) The Forgotten Hour… is where it began — a bag, a die, an “I told you so,” and the fall of a man.

📋 Point-by-point breakdown (player catch-up — everything that happened)

1. 00:13:19 · 📖 Lore — Dave sets the scene: the Zenpocalypse — whole town populations vanishing into intact, bodiless ghost towns, spreading to swallow the continent.
2. 00:13:35 · 📖 Lore — The one hero who can win is a “super saiyan” wizard, Gray — and the big bad has already captured him.
3. 00:14:45 · 🧭 Travel — Four mid-level acolytes of Old Town are sent south through The Southern Wetlands — not to win the war, only to find Gray — toward the one border town near the Petroglyphs of Oovuan that hasn’t been wiped out.
4. 00:19:30 · 🎭 RP — Character intros: Jock Bjorn (half-goliath/half-dwarf sailor-ranger), Lashara (rock-gnome artificer), Father ITYS (the doomsaying “end is near” cleric of Selûne), and Old Man Jenkins, last of the Malors / House of Old.
5. 00:28:22 · 🎭 RP — The party pushes into the tavern; the barkeep and a roomful of drinkers instantly clock them as outsiders “not from here.”
6. 00:31:00 · 📖 Lore — Lashara reads the crowd: not artisans but zealots, each with a patch of rotting flesh on the shoulder — the “touched”.
7. 00:34:52 · 🎭 RP — The barkeep, Arcus, preaches “the truth” that came through ~12 months ago and touched the town; he peels off his gloves to show hands rotted down to sinew and muscle.
8. 00:39:26 · 📖 Lore — The exaltation keeps you strong but strips your will, and it’s coming for the north “within a fortnight” — the doctrine of the The Kouréas.
9. 00:41:00 · 🎭 RP — A shackled dishwasher in the kitchen — a captured slave, mysteriously immune to the touch — bangs and curses at his chains. (He is Gray.)
10. 00:43:25 · 🎲 Mechanic — Father ITYS touches the rot to inspect it; the necrosis leaps to his own finger and his arcana/detection rolls fumble — he can’t identify or cure it.
11. 00:47:52 · 🎭 RP — A crash and swearing erupt from the kitchen (the barkeep’s shackled “dishwasher”); tracking the sound, Father ITYS notes the whole place “is just an echo chamber” — even the touch’s whisper, “the end is coming,” repeats fifty-two times over.
12. 00:57:00 · 🎭 RP — The party splits: Jenkins fakes a bathroom break to slip out (doors magically sealed), Lashara rigs a pyrotechnic light-box, Father ITYS winds up a megachurch sermon, and Jock turns invisible to case the back room.
13. 00:59:15 · ⚔️ Combat — The floor drops out: Jock triggers a trapdoor over a pit of hundreds of stitched bodies and torches ~20 with Sacred Flame.
14. 01:08:02 · 🎲 Mechanic — Initiative — Dave rolls three natural 20s in a row; Arcus reveals himself the necromancer and drops Circle of Death over his own tavern.
15. 01:14:37 · ⚔️ Combat — Jock’s Stand Against the Tide makes two acolytes clobber each other (for 1 damage — the “started this fight with one point” gag); Lashara deploys her steel defender (“Pokémon meets Transformers”) to anvil-drop a cultist.
16. 01:19:51 · ⚔️ Combat — A greater zombie hauls itself out of the pit — stitched from gorilla arms, a human torso, a wolf’s head and goat’s legs.
17. 01:24:41 · ⚔️ Combat — Father ITYS’s Guardian of Faith — the “Lord of Pugs” — holds a chokepoint, decapitating acolytes; he layers on a Spiritual Weapon.
18. 01:35:34 · ⚔️ Combat — Zombie splatter eats one of Jock’s eyeballs; he flips his old sailor’s eyepatch onto the newly-blind eye (the dark-adaptation trick).
19. 01:42:36 · 🎲 Mechanic — Ransacking the back room on a 17, Jock finds a glowing d20 with a different rune on each face — “what the enemies came for” — and pockets it, unidentified.
20. 01:43:50 · ⚔️ Combat — Old Man Jenkins casts Disintegrate at the necromancer for 53 (every die a 4) — the campaign damage record — and still fails to kill him.
21. 01:53:14 · 🎲 Mechanic — Jock realizes the wounds are illusory — a fear-spell cast on entry (“my eye didn’t really fall out”) — the party’s been fighting their own dread.
22. 01:54:17 · 🎭 RP — The “I told you so / I told me so” exchange lands; Father ITYS: “not my motto yet… but maybe after.” The Church of ITYS is born in embryo.
23. 01:57:25 · ⚔️ Combat — Lashara pins Arcus the Necromancer to the wall with a crossbow bolt through the jaw; his body sloughs into a puddle of necrotic juice — but the undead keep coming: he was never in charge.
24. 02:12:52 · ⚔️ Combat — Jock springs a wall trap (7d10 force) to blow a hole through a pinned zombie, then finishes it with a coup from the Corpse Slayer Shotgun.
25. 02:22:53 · 🎲 Mechanic — Jenkins’s lament — most damage, zero kills — earns Dave’s “There’s no I in team, Jenkins”; Lashara’s ricochet bolt then drops both remaining zombies.
26. 02:25:56 · 📖 Lore — An insight check (Jenkins assisting) uncovers three trap-wired levers and a secret door into the back.
27. 02:30:22 · ⚔️ Combat — Final reveal: The Pit — “a mountain of thousands of stitched-together bodies.” Jock lines up his shotgun (“you only need one eye to aim”) and the session cuts mid-shot — Gray still shackled in the kitchen, never reached.

Player Characters

Character	Player	Race	Class	Note
Father TEIN	Jesse	—	Cleric of Selûne	Doomsaying preacher who goes by TEIN (“The End Is Near”); becomes the founder-figure of the Church of ITYS (“I Told You So”) when the Forgotten Hour ends
Jock Bjorn	Chris	Half-Goliath / Half-Dwarf	Ranger	Explorer-sailor bound to the sea; loses an eye and flips his eyepatch; wields the Corpse Slayer Shotgun; pockets The D20 Rune-Relic
Lashara	Steve	Rock Gnome	Artificer	Brusque, community-minded tinkerer with a steel defender; kills the necromancer
Old Man Jenkins	Haylee	Human	Sorcerer (draconic bloodline)	Last of the Malors / House of Old; record 53-damage Disintegrate, and zero kills all night; bears “the Auin”

NPCs

NPC	Role	Note
Gray Star	The lost hero	The “super saiyan” wizard the party was sent to find; captured ~6 months prior. Appears here as the shackled, touch-immune “Dishwasher” cursing in the kitchen; still a captive there at session’s end — the party never even reached him
Arcus the Necromancer	Tavern barkeep	Preaches the exaltation with hands rotted to sinew; drops Circle of Death over his own tavern; killed by Lashara — but NOT the mind controlling the horde

Factions

Faction	Note
House of Old	Old Town’s founding family (the Malors), all but extinct — Jenkins is the last one left
The Exalted	The “touched” townsfolk — sackcloth zealots with shoulder-rot; the necromancer’s enthralled army

🎙️ Notable Moments

00:24:03 — Asked his name, the doomsday cleric coins the acronym that will one day become a whole religion.

TEIN: For now you can call me TEIN — it stands for “The End Is Near.” That’s what I’ve been. Jock Bjorn: T-E-I-N. The end is near.

00:35:20 — The smiling barkeep explains why his town, alone, is still standing.

DM (Arcus): The truth came through our town about twelve months ago, and the truth has stayed. DM (Arcus): It came through and it touched us — and we are touched.

00:47:52 — Trying to pin down the crash and cursing coming from the kitchen, the DM drops the phrase that (unknowingly) names the whole campaign.

DM: It’s coming from the back room, but you can’t really tell where — because this whole thing is just an echo chamber.

01:35:58 — A gob of undead goo eats Jock's eye. He does not miss a beat.

DM: It hits in the face and takes one of your eyeballs and eats it. Jock Bjorn: Then I reach over for the eyepatch on my one good eye — and I just put it on the eye that actually needs it now.

01:54:17 — Mid-fight, realizing the wounds were an illusion the whole time, Jock hands Father ITYS his entire future.

Jock Bjorn: But I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I? You’re just going to be like, “I told you so.” Father ITYS: Not my motto yet… but maybe after. There are so many things I should have done before.

01:57:25 — Lashara finally closes the barkeep's account.

Lashara: He gives me a raspberry — and just as his tongue comes out, that’s when my crossbow bolt takes him right through the jaw and pins him to the back wall. DM: …necrotic juice that’s lost its form. There’s a giant puddle of just necrotic juice over there.

02:22:53 — Old Man Jenkins tallies the night: campaign-record damage, and nothing to show for it.

Old Man Jenkins: I’ve brought all these guys to nearly death and everyone’s taking all my kills! I haven’t killed a single one — but I’ve been dealing the most damage. DM: There’s no “I” in team, Jenkins.

02:30:22 — The floor's last secret, revealed as the session cuts to black.

DM: Don’t fall into the pit — there’s a mountain of thousands of stitched-together bodies inside any of those holes.

🗺️ Locations

Place	Mentioned / Traveled	Note
Old Town	Mentioned	The heroes’ home city; named for the Malor family line
The Southern Wetlands	Traveled	The region the disappearances spread through; searched for Gray
Petroglyphs of Oovuan	Traveled	Landmark beside the lone surviving border town
The Tavern (Oovuan Petroglyphs)	Traveled	The town’s biggest establishment — actually the necromancer’s lair: trapdoors, sealed exits, a kitchen holding a shackled Gray, and a secret room
The Pit	Discovered	Holes beneath the tavern filled with a mountain of thousands of stitched-together bodies

🎒 Items

Item	Used / Introduced	Note
Corpse Slayer Shotgun	Used	Jock’s attuned firearm; a double-damage coup on a pinned zombie
The D20 Rune-Relic	Introduced	An icosahedron with a different rune glowing on each face; “what the enemies came for”; pocketed unidentified by Jock
Auin au Lycoris	Used	Jenkins’s holy amulet (“the Auin”) — +3 bonus to spell attack / save DC
Steel Defender (Pending)	Used	Lashara’s artificer construct (“Pokémon meets Transformers”) — anvil-drops a cultist
Greater Zombie	Introduced	Stitched chimeras — gorilla arms, human torso, wolf head, goat legs — hauled from the Pit
The Three Levers	Discovered	Trap-wired levers arranged round a circle (up/down = good/bad); left untouched

⛩️ Pantheon & Lore

Entry	Note
The Forgotten Hour (Zenpocalypse)	The founding catastrophe — whole towns harvested away into bodiless ghost towns
The Kouréas	The apocalypse-force / cult that “touches” and harvests people — “your parts belong to the bag”
The Touch (Exaltation)	Necrotic enthrallment — a “sickness of truth” that keeps you strong while it steals your will
Selûne	Goddess of life, light, and the moon (seven stars + a pair of eyes); heard in-session as “Stellune”; Father ITYS’s deity

Cliffhanger

The barkeep is a puddle of necrotic juice — but the dead keep coming, because he was never the one in charge. Jock has a glowing rune-die in his bag, three trap-wired levers wait on the wall, a secret door stands sealed, and The Pit yawns open below: a mountain of thousands of stitched-together bodies. And back in the kitchen, the hero the party rode south to find — Gray, the shackled “dishwasher” whose cursing they’ve heard all night — is still a captive they never even reached. Jock lines up his shotgun — “you only need one eye to aim” — and the session cuts mid-shot.

Transcript

Full cleaned transcript: 240125-ch0.1-so-you-walk-into-a-bar-transcript.

Related

Echoes of ITYS · next: 240208-ch0.2-old-town-throwdown · The Forgotten Hour · Old Town · The Kouréas · The Touch (Exaltation) · Gray Star · Arcus the Necromancer · Father ITYS · Lashara