Old Town Throwdown

Old Town Throwdown — Ch 0.2

The bar had a back door, and the back door had a price. The founders make it home to Old Town — but something followed them out of the dark, and the town that has stood untouched for two hundred years is about to learn why the end was always coming for it too. Save who you can, convert the rest, and pray the thing at the center of it all stays asleep. It does not stay asleep.

Chapter / Episode	0.2 — Old Town Throwdown
Arc	The Forgotten Hour (flashback, ~100 years pre-campaign)
GM	Dave
Date / Duration	2024-02-08 · ~3h10m (gameplay from 00:23:52)
Party	Father ITYS (Jesse), Jock Bjorn (Chris), Lashara (Steve), Old Man Jenkins (Hayley), Levitas (Brin)
Joins	Levitas — Brin’s new PC, an Aarakocra monk and captain of the Temple Guard
Ends on	the heroes frozen in Zen’s barber chairs, dissected piece by piece, as he saves a defiant Gray “for next time”

Synopsis

Picking up on the cliffhanger from ch0.1, the founder-heroes step through Gray’s portal into Old Town to the tinny music of a triangle — and the sight of a giant, drifting black-hole orb stripping the leaves from every living tree in its path. Gray, the captive wizard-ally, names the horror for them: it is an inverted “flesh bag of holding,” a rift that swallows only living tissue and coughs it back up as something worse. He can’t turn it off — he’s been washing dishes for eight months waiting for someone to show up — and the portal-staff trick Jock Bjorn pitches would only open a hole too small to catch a thirty-foot god. Worse, its slow crawl across the map is tracing the Rune of Kouréas, a blood-sacrifice glyph that Old Man Jenkins reads, flatly, as “necromancer god.”

Because it’s a Kaethos session, the apocalypse is also a competition: Dave hands Father ITYS and Lashara a side-quest to out-save and out-convert the fleeing townsfolk, with the winner’s faith destined to grow mightier over the coming century — the literal founding of the Church of ITYS (and its lifelong shadow, Lashara’s rival “Science”). Then the mini-boss lands: Pimp the Imp, a devil wearing giant grafted Goliath arms, who tears the arms off Captain Ram Sugar and feeds them to the orb. What follows is a gorgeous mess — Jock Bjorn set ablaze and whiffing his Corpse Slayer Shotgun, Lashara frisbeeing a Magical Barrage Grenade that kills her own freshly-converted villager and then nat-1ing an arrow through her own winged boot, staking herself to the ground for the rest of the night — until quiet Old Man Jenkins reveals she planned this all along and starts Disintegrating and Dominating bosses at will. Two hours in, Levitas finally takes her first turn ever: a thirty-foot dive that kills Pimp the Imp outright, after which she calmly dismembers him so the orb can’t take him back.

Killing Pimp was the mistake. His death cracks the orb, and out of the purple necrotic light erupt the Four Horsemen of the Zenpocalypse — Krengrum, the dragon Kava, the gatling-armed Yerlin, and fire-proof Lawrence, four reanimated heroes of a bygone age. As the table decodes that “Kouréas” is an old word for barber, Father ITYS Thaumaturgy-booms a “not this day” speech and converts an entire town (who promptly disgorge three bags of holding, a Staff of the Magi, and a Hither-Thither Staff), while Old Man Jenkins briefly turns Kava against her own side. In desperation, Lashara conjures a flying construct, hurls her bag of holding into the orb’s heart — “We crossed the streams!” — and the two extradimensional spaces annihilate in an eight-story ball of hair and a four-mile spray of gore. From the wreckage steps a handsome half-elf three thousand years old: Zen au Kouréas. He snaps his fingers, freezes time to a twentieth of its speed, conjures a barber chair for each hero, and — with scissors that meet no resistance at all — begins to take them apart.

🎵 Song Recap (rhyming — drop into an AI song generator)

Scheme: AABB verses + chorus. Suggested vibe: galloping apocalyptic power/doom metal (the orb only plays Iron Maiden covers, after all).

(Verse 1) Through Gray’s little portal to Old Town they fell, A triangle ringing the town’s funeral bell; A black hole of flesh come to swallow the street, It strips every tree down to bones at their feet.

(Chorus) Old Town Throwdown — and the end is so near! Father’s on his knees and the Horsemen are here; Convert ‘em or kill ‘em, throw a bag in the void — When the barber stands up, there’s a world to destroy!

(Verse 2) Pimp tore off the arms of the Captain of Guard, Lashara shot her own foot and she took it hard; Old Man Jenkins stayed quiet, then Disintegrate — And a bird took a dive and she sealed Pimp’s fate.

(Verse 3) Four Horsemen came howling from purple-lit gore, A dragon, a gun-arm, and two friends of before; He was only a barber with scissors that bite, And they cut through the world, and they cut through the light.

(Chorus)

(Outro) Time crawls to a stop and the chairs all recline, He clips and he flips and he takes what is thine; He keeps the cat-wizard — he’ll see you again — The Forgotten Hour begins right there and then.

📋 Point-by-point breakdown (player catch-up — everything that happened)

1. 00:23:58 · 📖 Lore — Recap: the party stepped through Gray’s portal into Old Town, greeted by a triangle ditty and the scream of a grafted-armed imp.
2. 00:25:25 · 📖 Lore — The giant black-hole orb drifts toward town, sucking the leaves off every living tree it passes.
3. 00:26:16 · 🎭 RP — Father ITYS drops to his knees for a pre-battle prayer; the whole table sings the downbeat.
4. 00:30:37 · 📖 Lore — Gray names the thing: an inverted “flesh bag of holding” that inhales only living tissue and disgorges undead.
5. 00:31:31 · 🎲 Mechanic — Father ITYS pre-casts Beacon of Hope; the party takes a short rest and cracks the looted Seven Deadly Sips.
6. 00:37:29 · 🧭 Travel — Levitas, Aarakocra captain of the Temple Guard (Brin’s new PC), flies in and lands beside Gray.
7. 00:41:15 · 📖 Lore — Gray pegs the orb at ~30 ft, admits he can’t shut it off, and has no Hither-Thither Staff to spare for Jock Bjorn’s portal-loop trap.
8. 00:43:57 · 📖 Lore — The orb’s path across the map is tracing the Rune of Kouréas; Old Man Jenkins reads it as “necromancer god.”
9. 00:45:44 · ⚔️ Combat — The orb hits the first house; a gnome family of five is dragged through the door and torn apart at the event horizon.
10. 00:48:43 · 🎲 Mechanic — Dave sets the faith side-quest: Father ITYS vs Lashara race to save and convert townsfolk — the winner’s faith grows for a century.
11. 00:50:47 · 🎭 RP — Lashara refuses to cede religion and founds her rival faith: “Science”.
12. 00:59:27 · ⚔️ Combat — Pimp the Imp lands center-stage; Captain Ram Sugar charges in and Pimp tears his arms off into the orb, birthing a flesh golem. Initiative.
13. 01:06:52 · ⚔️ Combat — The golem torches Jock Bjorn with Flame Hurl hellfire; his Corpse Slayer Shotgun whiffs as Pimp shadow-steps.
14. 01:14:16 · ⚔️ Combat — Lashara’s Magical Barrage Grenade (60-ft cone) tags Pimp — and kills her own just-converted villager standing behind him.
15. 01:18:19 · 🎲 Mechanic — Lashara’s self-reloading crossbow misfires on a nat 1; she staples her own winged boot to the ground for the rest of the fight.
16. 01:20:43 · ⚔️ Combat — Quiet Old Man Jenkins turns lethal: Disintegrate for 90 on Pimp, then burns a sorcery point and Dominates the flesh golem.
17. 01:29:34 · 🎲 Mechanic — Father ITYS wards the structure with Forbiddance; the pass-phrase is a cheeky pledge of allegiance to the Church of ITYS.
18. 01:35:48 · 📖 Lore — An Arcana check confirms the orb’s nature: an inverted bag of holding collapsing everything to a single point.
19. 01:41:31 · 🎲 Mechanic — Two hours in, Levitas takes her first turn ever — a 30-ft dive onto Pimp with falling damage.
20. 01:46:56 · ⚔️ Combat — Levitas kills Pimp the Imp on that first turn, then dismembers him joint-by-joint so the orb can’t reclaim him.
21. 01:49:06 · ⚔️ Combat — Pimp’s death cracks the orb: purple necrotic rays vomit out eight limbs and heads that leap onto the field.
22. 01:51:17 · ⚔️ Combat — The Four Horsemen announce themselves: Krengrum, Kava (a red dragon taking flight), Yerlin (a gatling-gun arm), and Lawrence.
23. 01:57:24 · 📖 Lore — The table decodes “Kouréas” = medieval barber; Zen’s scissors learned to cut reality, and they are the orb’s nucleus (“a subtle knife”).
24. 02:12:45 · ⚔️ Combat — Yerlin’s gatling arm fires six shots, one per hero; Lashara’s Gloves of Missile Snaring blunt the worst hit.
25. 02:22:29 · ⚔️ Combat — Old Man Jenkins Dominates Kava and turns her Fireball on the Horsemen — until Kava nat-20s free and Fireballs the party back.
26. 02:30:38 · 🎭 RP — Father ITYS marches into the city, Thaumaturgy booming a “not this day” speech; a 22 Persuasion converts the whole town.
27. 02:33:42 · 📖 Lore — The converts disgorge their loot: three bags of holding, a Staff of the Magi, and a Hither-Thither Staff.
28. 02:43:53 · ⚔️ Combat — Krengrum (now giant) dashes 120 ft through the opened city and knocks Jock Bjorn back; he answers with the Sun Blade and Zephyr Strike.
29. 02:52:43 · ⚔️ Combat — The plan: Lashara conjures a winged construct, frisbees her bag of holding up to it, and flies it into the orb’s heart — “We crossed the streams!”
30. 02:55:01 · 📖 Lore — The two rifts annihilate; the orb ruptures into an eight-story ball of hair and a four-mile spray of gore.
31. 02:57:13 · 📖 Lore — From the wreckage rises Zen au Kouréas, a half-elf 3,000 years old; he snaps his fingers and casts Chronology — time drops to 1/20th speed for the party.
32. 02:59:04 · 🎭 RP — Zen conjures a chair for each hero — barber chairs — cranks the pedestals to height, and takes out his scissors.
33. 03:00:19 · ⚔️ Combat — With zero resistance, Zen begins dissecting the captives one piece at a time, starting with the spare wizard gnome.
34. 03:01:33 · 🎭 RP — Zen recognizes Old Man Jenkins: “I remember your family… the House of Old”; the frozen party can only watch.
35. 03:02:21 · ⚔️ Combat — Zen clips Levitas’s wings and strips Lashara of every attuned magic item but her ring of free action.
36. 03:04:09 · 🎭 RP — Zen steps to a glaring, defiant Gray and saves him “for next time.” We’ll pick it up next time.

Player Characters

Character	Player	Race	Class	Note
Father ITYS	Jesse	Human	Cleric of Selûne	Doomsayer preacher; Beacon of Hope, Bless, Forbiddance — founds the Church of ITYS mid-battle by converting a whole town
Jock Bjorn	Chris	Half-goliath / half-dwarf	Ranger	Set on fire, whiffs the Corpse Slayer Shotgun, then lands the Sun Blade on his favored foe; abandons the French accent “in the 80s”
Lashara	Steve	Rock gnome	Artificer	Kills her own convert, shoots herself in the foot, then wins the day by frisbeeing a bag of holding into the orb
Old Man Jenkins	Hayley	—	Draconic sorcerer	Last of the House of Old; plays dumb, then Disintegrates and Dominates every boss on the board
Levitas	Brin	Aarakocra	Monk	New PC & captain of the Temple Guard; on her first turn ever, dives 30 ft and kills Pimp the Imp

NPCs

NPC	Role	Note
Gray	Captive wizard ally	Explains the orb but can’t stop it; saved by Zen “for next time” (later revealed stitched from cat parts)
Zen au Kouréas	BBEG	Risen half-elf necromancer-barber; freezes time, seats the heroes in barber chairs, dissects them with reality-cutting scissors
Pimp the Imp	Mini-boss	Grafted giant-armed imp; tears off Ram Sugar’s arms into the orb; his death frees the Horsemen
Ram Sugar	Captain of the Guard	Charges in to help and is grabbed by Pimp, who rips his arms off into the orb
spare wizard gnome	One-armed captive	The first victim Zen dissects — his name never learned
Krengrum	Horseman (reanimated)	Giant orc; Jesse’s former PC, the only one who truly died in the old campaign
Kava	Horseman (reanimated)	Red dragon; Hayley’s former Dragonborn; torches the ramparts, briefly Dominated by Jenkins
Yerlin	Horseman (reanimated)	Blood-hunter; Steve’s former PC, with a gatling-gun blunderbuss for an arm
Lawrence	Horseman (reanimated)	Fire-resistant devil/tiefling; Chris’s former PC (a.k.a. Coreus)

Factions

Faction	Note
The Enclave	The clerical order that sent Lashara and Father ITYS out together
Temple Guard	Old Town’s temple guard force, captained by Levitas
House of Old	Old Man Jenkins’s founding family of Old Town — the line Zen “remembers”
The Four Horsemen	The reanimated former PCs Zen unleashes from the orb; the herald of the Zenpocalypse

🎙️ Notable Moments

00:46:41 — A gnome family of five is dragged into the orb, and Steve immediately lands on the campaign's most durable bit.

Lashara: Not the gnomes. That knot was spelled with a silent G, by the way. Not the gnomes.

00:50:47 — Handed a "convert the townsfolk" side-quest against Father ITYS, Lashara declines to play second fiddle to a church.

Lashara: Why do we let him control it? Any of us can control a church! Lashara: I’ll convert them to science.

01:16:40 — Lashara's 60-foot grenade cone clips Pimp and the villager she'd just saved.

Jock Bjorn / Levitas: What? How did you kill a dog?! Lashara: Back to zero. I’ll do the same to yours. Don’t look at me that way.

01:25:38 — After a session of playing dumb, Old Man Jenkins casually Disintegrates and Dominates the bosses.

Jock Bjorn: How did you all of a sudden get good at D&D? Like, what in the world? Old Man Jenkins: Oh, I told Jesse — I was like, I know what I’m doing and it’s gonna be good.

01:47:00 — Brin's brand-new PC gets her first turn nearly two hours in, and makes it count.

Lashara: First turn ever playing — murdered Pimp the Imp.

01:59:21 — The table pieces together why the world-ending superweapon is a pair of scissors.

Lashara: His job — his job was to be a barber, so he was proficient in haircuts. Lashara: A subtle knife.

02:54:54 — Lashara, still pinned to the ground by her own arrow, flies a bag of holding into the orb.

Lashara: We crossed the streams!

03:00:29 — Time frozen, Zen gets to work on the helpless party.

GM: Just clipping, clipping, flipping. There’s no resistance at all to the scissors that he has — it just goes straight through, and slowly he’s just dissecting him a piece at a time.

03:04:29 — The founding age ends not with a victory, but with a barber deciding who to keep.

GM: [Gray] very angry and defiant looks up at him — and we’ll pick it up next time.

🗺️ Locations

Location	Mentioned / Traveled	Note
Old Town	Traveled	The House of Old’s home town, unattacked for ~200 years — devoured this session by the orb and the Horsemen
Orcish Fortress of Moporphous	Mentioned	A fondly-recalled locale from the prior campaign the players rank among their best moments

🎒 Items

Item	Used / Introduced	Note
The Orb (inverted bag of holding)	Central	~30-ft living black hole (a bag of holding turned inside-out); its nucleus is Zen’s scissors; ANCESTOR of the campaign’s The Bag
Scissors of Severing	Revealed	Zen’s barber scissors, grown strong enough to cut reality — the orb’s beating heart
Corpse Slayer Shotgun	Used	Jock Bjorn’s signature gun; whiffs as Pimp the Imp shadow-steps away
Magical Barrage Grenade	Used	Lashara’s 60-ft cone of shuriken; hits Pimp and a friendly villager both
The Seven Deadly Sips	Used	Looted buffing-but-addictive drinks (spell slot, +Dex, a luck point, extra actions) spent during the short rest
Peeve	Used	Lashara’s summoned Steel Defender; escorts a fleeing family to safety
Sun Blade	Used	Jock Bjorn’s attuned radiant blade, drawn against his favored foe
Hither-Thither Staff	Introduced	Portal staff surrendered from the converted town’s magic stash
Staff of the Magi	Introduced	A heavy hitter among the loot the converts disgorge

⛩️ Pantheon & Lore

Entry	Note
Selûne	The moon goddess Father ITYS serves; his converts and his church spring from her worship
The Church of ITYS	FOUNDED this session on Father ITYS’s battlefield conversions; its pledge is the Forbiddance pass-phrase
Lashara’s Science	The rival “Science” faith Lashara starts to race the church for souls
Gruumsh	Orc deity invoked in a fondly-recalled prior-campaign moment (Lawrence torching a tower)
The Kouréas	The necrotic force whose blood-sacrifice rune the orb’s path traces; “Kouréas” = barber
Rune of Kouréas	The town-destroying glyph the orb inscribes across the map
Zenpocalypse	The apocalypse tied to Zen, marked by the Horsemen’s arrival — the Forgotten Hour seen from the inside
Chronology	Zen’s time-dilation: he moves freely while the party crawls at 1/20th speed
Orcish Fortress of Moporphous	Prior-campaign lore the table recalls as a series highlight

Cliffhanger

Time frozen to a crawl, Zen seats the heroes in conjured barber chairs and — with scissors that meet no resistance — begins taking them apart: the spare wizard gnome first, then Levitas’s wings, then every one of Lashara’s attuned magic items. He recognizes Old Man Jenkins’s House of Old, hesitates over his own “believer” Father ITYS, and finally steps to a glaring, defiant Gray — whom he decides to keep. We’ll pick it up next time.

Related

Echoes of ITYS · prev: 240125-ch0.1-so-you-walk-into-a-bar · next: 240222-ch0.3-the-four-horsemen-of-the-zenpocalypse · Old Town · The Four Horsemen · Zen au Kouréas · The Church of ITYS · Gray Star · The Orb (inverted bag of holding) · Scissors of Severing