How to Get Swoll Like TBD

How to Get Swoll Like TBD — Ch 2.9

Nine sessions deep in a dreaming rock star’s endless encore, the crew wakes the sleeping Wolf King, cuts a stolen relic from his neck, and finds themselves booked for the loudest, most dangerous set of their lives — a Battle of the Bands where losing means the day starts over, again, forever. Somewhere behind the amps a chord is waiting to be struck, and only one guitarist ever knew how to play it. When the pillars of light rise on that final stage, will the encore finally end? Some songs you have to finish yourself.

Chapter / Episode	2.9 — How to Get Swoll Like TBD
Arc	Battle of the Bands (the ch2 finale)
GM	Chris
Date / Duration	2025-04-12 · ~4h25m (gameplay from 00:00:13)
Party	Xeros (Dave), Nortle (Steve), Basil (Brin), Foulclaw (Jesse)
Joins	TBD (Chris) — freed from the dream and rejoins the party
Ends on	the Dreamweaver destroyed, TBD awake, and a vision of a dark figure with scissors over five heroes trapped in time

Synopsis

The finale opens in the Dark Woods with the party five-of-six Scrolls deep and the sleeping Wolf King, Wolfgang, lying dead-asleep across their path. Xeros loots him for 500 gold and three backstage passes; Basil cuts the glowing Dreamcatcher from his neck — and instantly regrets it, because the relic wakes Wolfgang and sends him flying back to the camp of the rival band Roses and Gunzes. A quick scry reveals the deal: Wolfgang will hand the band a record label and a rigged win if they stop the party for good. The crew answers with a con — Basil “decapitates” her own brother Nortle in a spray of hidden ketchup packets — and the ambush in the Dark Woods turns into a running brawl of firebolts, katanas, and a bound Herbalist freed from the campfire.

Then Wolfgang comes down from the trees, the Dreamcatcher engulfs him a second time, and he fuses with the nightmare he summoned into a towering Nightmare Wolfgang — a hybrid of the man and the Dreamweaver itself, spawning Veiled Nightmares from the fallen. It takes a whole toolkit to bring him down: Nortle bursting a Nothic’s eye, Basil falcon-diving him flat under a Wall of Force, and Xeros’s moonlit Rapier carving the man out of the monster before LaDonna leaps in to slash the fleeing mist and Foulclaw traps it back inside the Dreamcatcher. With Wolfgang dead in three pieces, Xeros reads aloud from TBD’s recovered journal — the tale of a guitar named Bophades, cut from ancient-oak wood and moonlit-spider silk — and the last scroll points them at the main stage.

So the party does the only sensible thing: recruits the turncoat Ax El Rose, drafts a bucket-headed guitarist named Pale Head, and takes the stage as Rose’s Empire to win the Dream Loop’s Battle of the Bands. Victory raises six pillars of light; the six Scrolls slot in and spell Lilith in Goliathan; Basil pins the slumping TBD inside a Wall of Force; and when Bophades materializes and Xeros strikes a single chord, the loop shatters and the real TBD wakes at last. But waking isn’t the end — the Dreamweaver still lives, and it wants what TBD hid: the Chronomancy spellbook, tucked inside a gym manual titled How to Get Swollen Big Like TBD in the Magus gymnasium. One more nightmare, one more moonlit killing blow, and one terrible glimpse of the future later, the ch2 dream finally ends — and the road to Trinity begins.

🎵 Song Recap (rhyming — drop into an AI song generator)

Scheme: AABB verses + chorus. Suggested vibe: arena hair-metal power ballad turned triumphant.

(Verse 1) Deep in the Dark Woods the Wolf King’s asleep, We cut off his charm and we banked on the leap; He flew to the band that he’d bribed to attack, So we faked a beheading and never looked back.

(Chorus) Strike the chord, strike the chord, let the dreaming day end, Six scrolls in the light spell the name of a friend! Swoll like TBD, break the loop, set him free — The last Battle of the Bands is the last that will be!

(Verse 2) The catcher took Wolfgang and made him a beast, Half man and half nightmare, all hunger, no peace; A dive and a rapier, the moon on the blade, And the mist went back home to the trap that we’d made.

(Verse 3) Then Rose’s Empire took the mainstage to reign, Won the whole show and the pillars came plain; L-I-L-I-T-H shining bright as a star, And a chord upon Bophades opened the bar.

(Chorus)

(Verse 4) But the Dreamweaver hungered for pages of time, Hid in a gym book on getting up-climbed; A vision of horsemen, of scissors, of dread — Five heroes in amber, and the future ahead.

(Outro) How to Get Swoll Like TBD… the encore is through — The dream is now over; the waking is new.

📋 Point-by-point breakdown (player catch-up — everything that happened)

1. 00:00:13 · 📖 Recap — The finale of the Battle of the Bands: the party holds five of six “Liahona” homing scrolls, recaps the prior dream-day (hot-dog contest, Soup Golem, the Michael Jackson mirror, Choldreth mud-wrestling), and stands over the sleeping Wolf King, Wolfgang.
2. 00:07:00 · 📖 Lore — Foulclaw’s Arcana confirms Wolfgang is under a powerful magical sleep, not a simple spell — the work of the Dreamcatcher around his neck.
3. 00:09:00 · 🎲 Mechanic — Xeros nat-20 pickpockets Wolfgang for 500 gold and three backstage VIP passes, then ties him to a tree.
4. 00:13:50 · 🎭 RP — Basil cuts the Dreamcatcher loose; it rises glowing purple-black, the mist engulfs Wolfgang, his ropes burst, and he flies off toward the Roses and Gunzes camp — the party has accidentally freed him.
5. 00:19:23 · 📖 Lore — Xeros scries: the woken Wolfgang strikes a deal with Roses and Gunzes — stop the party in exchange for a record label, top billing, and a rigged win at the Battle of the Bands.
6. 00:26:16 · 🧭 Travel — Approaching the Dark Woods camp, the party spots a sling trap, Slush Slasher, Itzy Straddle, Ax El Rose, and a large female Goliath herbalist tied up by the fire.
7. 00:32:37 · 🎭 RP — The con: Foulclaw and Xeros stealth-fly around while Basil and Nortle stage a sibling argument and Basil “decapitates” Nortle with hidden ketchup packets. The band buys it; initiative rolls.
8. 00:39:40 · ⚔️ Combat — Foulclaw firebolts a fire-genasi bandit (boosted by the jubilation scroll); Basil crits with her katana; Nortle, still “dead,” hamstrings and bear-hugs bandits unconscious.
9. 01:16:51 · ⚔️ Combat — Wolfgang descends, the Dreamcatcher engulfs him again, and he becomes Nightmare Wolfgang — a fusion of the man and the Dreamweaver.
10. 01:17:48 · 🎲 Mechanic — Nightmare Wolfgang casts Create Veil Nightmare, transforming a downed band member into a Veiled Nightmare (revealed as a modified Nothic).
11. 01:20:25 · ⚔️ Combat — Nortle shot-puts Basil by the ears at the monster (their “Choldreth” combo move), sword-first.
12. 01:24:20 · ⚔️ Combat — Basil flips over Wolfgang and slices the Dreamcatcher off — it falls free but does not revert his form; she pockets it.
13. 01:29:00 · 🎭 RP — Foulclaw frees the Herbalist (Mage Hand + a Tides-of-Chaos nat 20); she warns of traps everywhere.
14. 01:35:18 · 🎲 Mechanic — Xeros casts Suggestion on band-leader Ax El Rose, who fails his save and switches sides.
15. 01:56:35 · ⚔️ Combat — Nortle punches clean through Doof (his ribs “like bubble wrap”), then bursts the Nothic’s eye like a watermelon.
16. 01:59:32 · ⚔️ Combat — Basil falcon-dives from 60 ft and pins the Veiled Nightmare flat under a Wall of Force; Xeros’s Cutting Words keeps it pinned.
17. 02:18:00 · ⚔️ Combat — Xeros’s Moon-touched rapier (glowing with moonlight) tears the man from the monster; LaDonna leaps from the trees and slices the fleeing mist.
18. 02:20:24 · 🎲 Mechanic — Foulclaw speaks the words (“Dreamweaver, I believe you can get me through the night”) and strums the Dreamcatcher’s webbing, sucking the mist back inside. Wolfgang lies dead in three pieces.
19. 02:26:52 · 📖 Lore — The final scroll bursts open with TBD’s visage; Xeros reads his journal — how TBD crafted Bophades from ancient-oak wood and moonlit-spider silk.
20. 02:32:57 · 🎲 Mechanic — Basil burns her Retcon token as a retroactive Scroll of Mending, repairing Xeros’s smashed violin; the herbalist’s herb restores Ax El Rose’s lost voice.
21. 02:46:47 · 🎭 RP — The party enters as Rose’s Empire (Xeros introducing Pale Head to Ax El Rose before organizer Fran Dressa); contested performance rolls; they win the Battle of the Bands.
22. 02:57:09 · 🎲 Mechanic — Victory raises six pillars of light; the party jams the six Scrolls in to spell Lilith; Basil leaps stage-to-stage and traps the slumping TBD in a Wall of Force.
23. 02:59:40 · 🎭 RP — Nortle shouts “Lilith!”; Bophades materializes from the beam; Xeros grabs it, jumps through the light, and strikes a chord — a thunderous wave rolls out and TBD wakes. “You have broken the dream.”
24. 03:05:00 · 📖 Lore — Freed, TBD explains Wolfgang killed for the Chronomancy spellbook he couldn’t even read, and plans to bring the book, journal, and scrolls to Lashara.
25. 03:16:37 · 📖 Lore — At the Magus gymnasium, TBD pulls the Chronomancy spellbook off the barbell shelf, hidden in a jacket reading How to Get Swollen Big Like TBD (“wizards don’t work out”).
26. 03:17:13 · ⚔️ Combat — The Dreamcatcher bursts open and the Dreamweaver flies out, smashing TBD’s face into the book to cast Pre-Science.
27. 03:18:52 · 📖 Lore — The shared Future vision: smoking towns, a growing death sphere, a city on fire, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, five heroes trapped in time, a dark figure with scissors, and the Temple of Father ITYS.
28. 03:20:50 · ⚔️ Combat — The Dreamweaver casts Total Dream Manipulation, trapping each PC in a personalized nightmare; TBD plays the dream theme to help them break free.
29. 03:56:40 · 🎲 Mechanic — Xeros reads the Chronomancy spellbook (Comprehend Languages) and readies Azure Counterspell; TBD locks the Dreamweaver with Witch Bolt.
30. 04:10:19 · ⚔️ Combat — Xeros crits with the Rapier and expels the held Azure Counterspell through a rift, rebounding the Dreamweaver’s own attack — it breaks into light and explodes. The party is thrown back 10 ft.
31. 04:14:38 · 📖 Lore — The scrolls were TBD’s workout notes from the Swollen Wastes, where time moved differently; Foulclaw tags the library, a headmaster’s voice ejects them (“what happens in Magus stays in Magus”), and the party hits level 4.
32. 04:21:06 · 📖 Lore — The reveal: the Tupperware is Zen — the Dreamweaver, Demonos, and Wolfgang all served him. The party killed the Dreamweaver, but Demonos escaped.
33. 04:23:38 · 🎭 RP — Epilogue: the one place they skipped was the Kaw Kaw Nevermore Theater, where a Kenku assistant of the owlman boss Torgar had secretly rewritten the play Lady Luscious Wants a Roof. The recording stops on the road toward Trinity.

Player Characters

Character	Player	Race	Class	Note
Xeros	Dave	Tiefling	Bard	Loots, cons, and Suggests his way through the finale; lands the killing blow on the Dreamweaver with the Moon-touched rapier
Nortle	Steve	Tortle	Monk	Plays dead in a spray of ketchup, then bear-hugs and eye-bursts his way through the ambush; “get swoll” incarnate
Basil	Brin	Harengon	Fighter	Fake-decapitates her brother, falcon-dives the nightmare flat, and traps TBD in a Wall of Force for the loop-break
Foulclaw	Jesse	Owlin	Sorcerer	Recon, firebolts, and the one who re-cages the mist in the [[The Dreamcatcher
TBD	Chris (GM)	Goliath	Wizard	The comatose dreamer the whole arc was for — freed this session and back on his feet with Bophades in hand

NPCs

NPC	Role	Note
Wolfgang	The “Wolf King” / dream antagonist	Struck a deal to trap TBD; fused with the [[The Dreamweaver
LaDonna	Kalashtar superstar ally	Leaps in to cut the fleeing mist, gifts healing, and warns the loop is not yet broken before vanishing
Ax El Rose	Lead singer of Roses and Gunzes	Suggestion flips him to the party; his lost voice is restored and he headlines Rose’s Empire
Slush Slasher	Roses and Gunzes lead guitarist	Fire-genasi look; chased Foulclaw earlier, casts Arcane Burst in the ambush
Doof	Roses and Gunzes member	”Deal’s a deal”; killed by Nortle’s punch through the ribs
Itzy Straddle	Roses and Gunzes guitarist	Cut down by Basil early in the ambush
Pale Head	Bucket-headed guitarist	Xeros’s old character; drafted into Rose’s Empire on the mainstage
Fran Dressa	Battle of the Bands organizer	Waves Ax El Rose’s “solo act” onto the finale stage
[[Scary Mary	Traveling herbalist]]	Kidnapped captive
Salieri	Former Battle of the Bands director	Named in the backstory — the role Wolfgang mysteriously usurped
Lilith	TBD’s late wife, the “Blood Witch”	Her name is the loop’s key; the six scrolls spell it to summon Bophades
Torgar	Owlman theater boss (dream)	Runs the [[Kaka Nevermore Theater

Factions

Faction	Note
Roses and Gunzes	Rival dream-band bribed by Wolfgang to ambush the party; most die in the [[The Dark Woods
Rose’s Empire	The party’s own act with Ax El Rose and Pale Head; wins the finale and triggers the loop-breaking pillars
Church of ITYS	Foulclaw’s proselytizing faith; its temple appears in the [[The future vision

👹 Monsters

Monster	Threat / Role	Note
The Dreamweaver	BBEG of ch2	Spectral nightmare-wraith summoned via the [[The Dreamcatcher
Nightmare Wolfgang	Fused boss	Wolfgang + the [[The Dreamweaver
Veiled Nightmare	Summoned horror	Created from the fallen via Create Veil Nightmare; uses Veil Gaze and grapples
Nothic	Modified minion	A big-eyed Veiled Nightmare; Nortle bursts its eye “like a watermelon”
[[Damanos	Demonos]]	Escaped demon

🎙️ Notable Moments

00:35:21 — The party's opening gambit: sell the band on Basil being an unhinged sibling-murderer so they lower their guard.

Nortle: And I drop my head down just as it goes — and out of my shell I’ve got like little ketchup packets. GM: You got decapitated. Nortle: So they saw Basil freaking decapitate her brother right in front of them. And I just dropped to the ground. Xeros: I have to yell out — Basil! What are you doing?!

00:20:36 — Xeros scries the deal Wolfgang cuts with Roses and Gunzes — and can't help editorializing.

GM (Wolfgang): You stop these ruffians causing so much trouble, you have yourselves a deal. A spot on my record label and top billing. Plus, to sweeten it — you’ll be the winners of the Battle of the Bands. Xeros: See, this is what’s wrong with the world. It’s not a meritocracy anymore — it’s about whose palms you can grease.

01:09:06 — Still half-tripping from the prior day, Xeros is convinced Basil raised a corpse — and that his own violin is a casualty.

Xeros: She broke my violin! Basil: You broke your violin, idiot! Xeros: Shut up, undead Nortle.

01:16:51 — Wolfgang lands, and the relic that put him to sleep turns him into something far worse.

GM (Wolfgang): Ah, Xeros — such a shame. You would have been a star on my record label. GM: The Dreamcatcher rises again, that black mist comes out of it, and it transforms him into a nightmarish version of Wolfgang himself. He’s taller. He’s darker.

02:28:35 — Xeros reads from TBD's recovered journal, and the arc's whole climax quietly clicks into place.

GM (TBD’s journal): I’ve spent the last months crafting my first magical electric guitar, using the enchanted wood from the ancient oak and strings spun from the silk of moonlit spiders. GM (TBD’s journal): I shall call it Bophades. When strummed, it shimmers with a faint glow, and the notes feel like a spell dancing through the air.

02:56:49 — Rose's Empire wins the Battle of the Bands — and for one heartbeat it looks like nothing happened.

GM: Rose’s Empire has won the Battle of the Bands! The crowd goes wild. And TBD just kind of slumps over, almost as if a puppet’s been relaxed. Nothing different has happened — it didn’t break a spell. GM: But pillars of light begin to appear on stage.

02:59:40 — The namesake climax: the scrolls spell Lilith, the lost guitar returns, and a single chord ends nine sessions of dreaming.

GM: As Nortle yells “Lilith!” a massive beam of light goes flying up, and appearing in a silhouetted shape is a guitar — it begins to materialize. Xeros: I grab it. Guys — I’ve done this once or twice before. This is amazing. And I just hit a chord. GM: As you strum, a thunderous wave emanates out. His eyes clear — they’re not white anymore. You have broken the dream.

03:16:37 — The episode's title, explained: TBD leads the party into the Magus gymnasium, where the most dangerous spellbook in the world has been hidden in the one place no wizard would ever look.

GM (TBD): He walks past the barbells, pulls a book off the shelf with a jacket over it, and blows the dust off — the cover reads How to Get Swollen Big Like TBD. GM (TBD): He removes the jacket, and there in his hand is the Chronomancy spellbook. It’s the perfect place to hide it — it’s a gym, and wizards don’t work out. Nobody would have known. Foulclaw: But… what if people wanted to? I mean, you’re pretty jacked. There’s people out there who want to get jacked like you.

03:18:52 — Pre-Science rips open a window onto everything ch2 was secretly about.

GM: You see a city on fire, four horsemen of the apocalypse leading armies of monsters, and five heroes standing to repel them. GM: The five heroes are entrapped within time, and standing above them a troubled dark figure who pulls out a pair of scissors. The last thing you all see is the Temple of ITYS.

04:10:19 — Xeros turns the Dreamweaver's own magic against it for the killing blow.

Xeros: I open a doorway, and the spell goes into it and rebounds — comes out a door on the other side and hits him. Xeros: He just breaks up into light pieces and explodes. And we all go flying back about ten feet.

04:21:06 — The curtain-call reveal: everything this arc was a proxy war for a name the party already dreads.

GM: My thought is that the Tupperware is Zen — and they’re all working for him. Your flying demon Demonos, the Dreamweaver… but you guys did kill the Dreamweaver. So he lost one of them. Nortle: Demonos escaped. He did not die.

04:24:10 — Wrapping up, Nortle asks if they missed anything — and learns they skipped an entire venue, and a whole hidden heist, on their way through the dream.

Nortle: Was there any spot we didn’t do? Was that the last one? GM (Chris): You didn’t go to the Kaw Kaw Nevermore Theater — they’d have been performing Lady Luscious Wants a Roof, and you’d have realized they changed the ending. It would’ve become a little heist to sneak in and fix the script — the guy in charge was the Kenku, Torgar’s assistant, trying to make a name for himself by changing the play because he thinks he knows better. Foulclaw: We’ve made a huge mistake! Nortle: We must go back!

🗺️ Locations

Place	Note
The Dark Woods	The trap-strewn forest hiding the Roses and Gunzes camp and the sleeping Wolfgang; site of the ambush
School of Magus	TBD’s old wizard school; its gymnasium hides the [[Book of Chronomancy
Magus	The city of magic surrounding the school; the party is magically ejected in front of it (“what happens in Magus stays in Magus”)
[[Kaka Nevermore Theater	Kaw Kaw Nevermore Theater]]
Swollen Wastes	Where TBD trained among “skin joggers” and time moved differently; the source of the six scrolls
The Trinity Cities	The “new old city” the party heads for next — the setting of the coming Trinity arc

🎒 Items

Item	Note
The Dreamcatcher	Wolfgang’s summoning relic; captures the Dreamweaver’s mist, then chars but keeps its magic — ownership passes to TBD
Bophades	TBD’s magical guitar of ancient-oak wood and moonlit-spider silk; materializes on stage and its chord breaks the loop
Book of Chronomancy	The forbidden time-magic spellbook Wolfgang (and [[The Tupperware
TBD Scrolls	Six homing “Liahona” scrolls; placed in the pillars they spell Lilith to break the loop
Moon-touched rapier	Xeros’s moonlight-glowing blade; dispels magic and lands the killing blows on Nightmare Wolfgang and the [[The Dreamweaver
Retcon token	Spent by Basil as a retroactive Scroll of Mending to fix Xeros’s smashed violin
Honey Elixirs	Sought-after dream drink; Ax El Rose had used it trying to cure his lost voice
the Lying Lyre	One of Xeros’s instruments; he tries it on the Dreamweaver in the nightmare, but the strings snap with no effect
iBard	Foulclaw’s crystalline music-player and the finale’s sponsor

⛩️ Pantheon & Lore

Entry	Note
[[TBD’s Dream	The Dream Loop]]
Chronomancy	Forbidden time magic; the Dreamweaver casts Pre-Science, and Xeros wields [[Azure Doorway
The future vision	The Pre-Science prophecy: the [[The Four Horsemen
The Tupperware	The “seven-layer” mystery whose answer is Zen au Kouréas — the necromancer the Dreamweaver, [[Damanos
The Forgotten Hour	Invoked as the shared un-rememberable event tying the dream to the campaign’s apocalyptic vision
Father ITYS	The faith whose temple closes the future vision — the road ahead runs straight to it

Cliffhanger

One chord from Bophades and the loop shatters: the Dreamweaver breaks into light, and the real TBD wakes at last. But waking isn’t safety — a final vision flares: a dark figure with scissors, standing over five heroes frozen in time. The dream is over. Whatever’s coming for the waking world is worse.

Transcript

Full cleaned transcript: 250412-ch2.9-how-to-get-swoll-like-tbd-transcript.

Related

Echoes of ITYS · prev: 250314-ch2.8-good-deed-speed-run · next: 250604-ch3.2-in-da-beninging · TBD · The Dreamweaver · The Dreamcatcher · Bophades · Wolfgang · The Dream Loop · Book of Chronomancy · The Trinity Cities